god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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