Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
