spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
