just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize