Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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