Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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