The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
