I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
