Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
