They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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