We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
