I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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