nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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