omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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