The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
