Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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