My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
