We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
