I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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