By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
