things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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