At least make sure they are 18
Why
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
