I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
