I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Randomize
