Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
