Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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