I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Shame - the story of my life.
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