i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
