I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
