Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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