Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We're too hungover to prance.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
