You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
