we have pet lesbian snakes
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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