Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize