I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize