I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
