i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
