in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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