zippers are such a cool invention
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
