just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
