Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
