his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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