p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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