I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
