I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
