we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
