I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
