The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
