So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
