If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
