Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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