I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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