those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
