so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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