i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
