I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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