6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
