Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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