I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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