I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
