bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
