She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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