East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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