Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
